#1. Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

Hi guys, I haven't been writing for ages!

Today I'd like to blog about a book I've just finished reading yesterday. Personally, I think the book really had hidden moral values in it especially related to self-esteem and being true to yourself. Reading Eleanor and Park made me realized how two different individuals, so distinct from one another could come to fall in love with one another mostly not because of their looks or appearances but basically, of their personalities, their insides.
Have you ever thought to yourself about someone like, "Wow, I never thought I'd be good friends with this person." or "He/She is the most wonderful person I've met despite us being so different from one another."?
It made me realized how at the end of the day, you grow to love someone not because of the way they're dressed, or the way their hair is tied up or down, wearing designers or the latest fashion collection but, you grow to love them for who they are. And despite the flaws that they do have, you learn to accept them. If it can be changed, you help them change-from bad to good, or good to great. What we see doesn't matter. It's all about the abstract feelings that you could never fully comprehend.
I admire Park and Eleanor's relationship. They were raw, wild and definitely true and honest to themselves. They weren't scared of telling each other how they felt about one another. Nowadays, we see love from a point of view of what we see on social networks. The girl receiving expensive gifts from the guy, selfie photos of doing activities together on instagram, declaration of relationship status on the internet but yet, does all of that matter? Apparently not. When you love someone, you don't have to show off, declare it to the whole world or even brag about it. When you're in love, love speaks even in silence. All you have to do is to just let the other person know just how much they mean to you. And that goes beyond words.
The ending of Eleanor and Park to me was a bit abrupt. I was a bit upset that the author did not elaborate much on their relationship but after a while, I thought about it and somehow, I changed my mind. I like the ending :). It gives us readers a bit of a moment to ponder on. Anyway, I'm moving on to reading Khaled Hosseini's "And The Mountains Echoed" next :)!

Here is my favourite quote from Eleanor & Park:-



"Eleanor was right. She never looked nice, She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."- Rainbow Rowell in Eleanor & Park.


Toodles, guys! :)


                                                                                                                                               Yours truly,
                                                                                                                                                      Helinna

Analysing a Picture of a Hill

So, I went up to Primrose Hill somewhere in December and I can tell you, the view was absolutely stunning, though I could not get a better picture of it. Mind you, this one is really blur due to the reason that my camera couldn't focus well because it was too cold up there. Anyhow, I could see the whole of London (well, sort of :P) from here. 

I wanted to blog about how this picture gives me the impression of how something out there is beautiful without it needing any prove. It's just a perspective of how that person wants to view things. Since the picture depicts a blur image of a beautiful scenery, I would definitely say the person clearly isn't present in the current moment of her life. It's either she's torn in between wanting to stay in the past or being too scared of the future that her visions are blur. The present, cherish it. Why would you want to exchange the past or the future for your present? The present is what you have now and it determines your future. As for your past, you can never change it but remember, you can always learn from it. They say experience is the best teacher. And if that includes your past, then gain the knowledge from there. You would never be the person you are today if it weren't for your past. Your mind grew matured from your past life, remember that. 

And as for the beautiful scenery in the picture, capture the moment. 

                       

                                                                                                                                      Yours Truly,

                                                                                                                                             Helinna 

My Exchange Year 2012

2012

The highlight of my 2012 was definitely my exchange year to America. I was hosted in Washburn, Wisconsin with the See family for 6 months. It was a life-changing experience. It's difficult for me to describe it here because for me to talk about my exchange year, it deserves more than just one post. I'm so happy I had kept a journal the entire time I was there. I had written down my days in this hipster journal I bought from Typo before I left to the States. When people ask me, "So, how was your exchange year in America?", I would never have the precise answer to that. Of course, one might think being in another country without the guidance of anyone familiar to you is like starting back all over again and building a new life. Yes indeed, it was. But have they ever thought how one could also experience the hardship while being there? Have they ever indeed seen it through my point of view, what was it like being away from your loved ones, having to explain a different culture to a society? They didn't. They just assume being in another country was exciting, was fun. Well one thing I can say is, it was different and I learned a lot. I learned like I've never learned before. It was totally hands-on. No guidance through a book but see it through your eyes, yourself. 

I would never trade anything else for this opportunity to go for this program. One thing for sure was, I was able to improve on my social skills. I also learned that even though people are different, be it race or religion, they are all in the end still the same. Just humans with different personalities and characteristics. I met a lot of people during my exchange and it was exciting trying to get to know everyone. Washburn was just a small town up north in Wisconsin. When I was in Washburn High, I had taken up World Geography, Choir, Psychology and English 11. My favourite subject of them all would definitely be English 11 because that class was the most challenging ever but my teacher, Mrs Radtke was an interesting woman who made the class a lot of fun! I was also in the Girls' Soccer Team. Truth be told, I thought I might regret joining it but what do you know, after months of intense training, I finally knew how to handle the soccer ball. There were a lot of techniques to it. My teammates were rather supportive because they all cheer for one another during practices and also games. Not only that, I was also involved in the Forensics Speech Contest which thankfully, I managed to go through until the State Level in Madison and had gotten a bronze medal. 

Reminiscing back to my exchange days, I'll definitely put on a smile on my face. There were times I got homesick and had problems that were to be dealt by my own but I'm definitely happy I was given the chance to live with my host family, to go to the high school over there and to meet with interesting people who each thought me different things. With each passing day, I learned many new interesting things and it was so much of fun! Even the littlest thing got me excited. I'm thankful meeting everyone who I have crossed paths with during my exchange year. I would also like to thank my host family for taking me into their home, wanting to learn about my culture and I. It sure was something, the experience I had and I will forever cherish it. :)

Yours truly,

Helinna

A Recap from the Future

Hi, I'm finally back on my blog after 5 years! Well, the past few years have been filled with many ups and downs, definitely a roller coaster ride which Alhamdulillah, I am thankful I went through it all because everything happened according to Allah's will. Just to recap a bit on what has happened in the last few years;

2011
It was the year I took my SPM and boy, was it pretty stressed up. However, it was also the time when I applied for Kennedy-Lugar Youth Exchange & Study (YES) to go on an exchange program in America. How I came about this most life-changing experience was when I was watching the Field Trip USA Program on television back in 2008. It certainly captured my attention because this was the kind of program I wanted to be engaged in; living with a host family, experiencing high school over there, to increase my social skills and of course, life survival skills such as being independant, being able to solve my own problems and to broaden my horizon by viewing life differently as before when I was always in my comfort zone.
So, somewhere in April I had filled in an application form and mailed it over to the AFS office. I had to go for the state interview (Selangor) which was held in Shah Alam. There were so many activities going on during the interview period. Since we had to wait for our turn to get interviewed, the facilitators (who were the alumni of the afs program) got us all involved in playing games, talking individually in a group of people and explained why we wanted to go for this prestigious program (I forgot to mention, the program I was applying for was a full scholarship exchange program to the United States of America for 6 months). What captured my attention the most was how the facilitators were confident as they conducted the session. It got me thinking that they must have sharpen their skills as they were abroad. Anyway, my interview lasted for about half an hour. The questions that were asked ranged from politics to history to my personal life. It wasn't all too bad but I knew it was competitive to be getting one of the 40 places that were available.

Alhamdulillah, with a say of prayer I went through to the second & final round, the national level interview. This part of the interview was the most competitive because students all around Malaysia were to be interviewed during the 3 days interview camp. If I'm not mistaken, there were almost a thousand of us gathered for the camp at Quality Hotel in Kuala Lumpur. I was interviewed on the first day of camp, wearing my baju kurung school uniform in the panel judge room. I guess being honest during an interview would be the key ingredient to you getting what you want because at that point, I knew I wanted to go for this program but at the same time, I wasn't putting much hope into it. I knew it was tough but I did give it my all during the interview because I told myself "hey, you've gone this far and you've always wanted this. why don't you just give it your all for one last time?". And I think I did give it my all because a few months later, I got an email and a formal letter stating that I had gotten one of the 40 places to go for the exchange program in America. I was definitely thankful. Those years of waiting, to finally apply for this program was worth it. My dream came true.

It was in December when I finally got to meet the other 39 participants for this program during our dance practice & visa interview. We had a dance practice because we were supposed to perform it during our end-of-stay orientation in Washington DC. All I can say is, my YES'12 batch rocks. They were different individuals with different characteristics and it was what made our batch special. I am certainly glad I got to meet each one of them. They were a lot like family, even though it took time for us all to be bonded together as a team.

My 2011 year was definitely a learning process. I had to juggle between SPM and AFS but at the end of it, I'm so glad I went through it all. I'm glad I applied for AFS and met new people, I'm glad I concentrated much on SPM but at the same time had loads of fun with my friends as well, I'm glad I was mature enough to think that I was able to manage things even though it might look difficult from the outside and most of all, I was quite happy that it was the last year of my high school. I knew it was time for me to venture the world and be out of my comfort zone :)

p/s: this post has gotten a bit too long so I might as well just continue in the next one!

                                                                                                                                               yours truly, 

                                                                                                                                                       helinna

1# A Story That Was Once Told

FLASHBACK

Homestay In Tokyo, Japan Back In 2007

10th of December 2007

The start of my homestay programme in Tokyo, Japan began. It was a dark, rainy and cloudy evening. Dad drove to Concorde Inn, Hotel which is located nearby KLIA. I needed to attend a day of course before flying off to Tokyo. My mind started wondering off about a whole lot of things. Mainly, it was about meeting the other participants of the homestay programme. I was nervous, scared, thrilled and excited at the same time. I tried to picture how those people were going to be. Were they going to be extremely pleasant or the complete opposite? The weather didn't do much help either. It worsen my thoughts in the car. After approximately an hour or so, we finally reached our destination.

All the participants were in a formal dress. Ties for gents, dresses for girls. As for me, I sticked to the normal traditional clothes, baju kurung. We made our way to the respective halls. Parents and participants had to be separated as both were divided into different categories for the day. The administrator gave a short talk about the homestay programme that we were about to experience. All the rules and whatnot were brought out to brace ourselves in Japan later on.

To cut things short, that night we had another talk to attend to. This time around, we played games and learn basic japanese. It was soothing and I made new friends. My room partner was Arinah, a 15 year old girl from Kedah who was really friendly and despite the fact that I was two years younger than her, we became good acquaintances. I even met three seniors from my school who were very welcoming. I remembered sleeping at 12 a.m. or 1 a.m. because for us participants, the night was still young and we had to brush up our japanese language skills in order to survive!


11th December 2007

Buckle up, kids ! Get ready for the adventures of your life that you're about to experience because we're FLYING off to JAPAAAAN !

Sadly, my roommate and I got separated because she was going off to Osaka while I was going off to Tokyo. Anyway, our flight was about 11.50 PM, 10 minutes to midnight. Parents and participants had to bid their goodbyes before participants had to ride on those trains to go to the other part of the terminal. Once the gate was opened, we got on to the aeroplane.

So, I had to sit between two guys who were from the group. It was extremely awkward. Especially the part where I had to shut my eyes and sleep. Like c'mon, how can I sleep when I'm sitting between two guys? -_- Nevertheless, they were really nice. They helped take my hand luggage, haha! Oh and out of all the participants who were going to Tokyo, or probably Japan, I was the youngest of them all. It was nice knowing that. I feel protected somehow. Hehe. Anyway, the flight was about 8 solid hours. Thank God it was a night flight so I guess the only thing we all did was sleep, to freshen ourselves up for the next day.

12th December 2007

Ohayou Gozaimasu, Tokyo, Japan!

We touched down at Narita Airport at 7.30 AM, Tokyo time. Waiting outside the airport was our bus with a friendly bus driver! He took us to the Hippo Office in Shibuya. This was finally the moment. The moment of where we participants get to finally meet, know & stay with our respective foster families. The first task that the Hippo Club did was, they called out the names of the foster family and the participant together according to the name list, and both had to show up on stage and start hugging each other like mad! It was funny when they demonstrated it to us! The two who demonstrated were jumping up and down while hugging and the music that was playing made it even funnier! :D


"Helinna-san together with Takani family"!

My heart skipped a beat. I came running out to the stage and opposite me came a lady, who looked very sweet with her warm smile. "OMG , is this my foster mom? Cause it doesn't look like her in the picture..", I said in my head while hugging her like mad. When we finally broke off, she explained to me that my foster mother had work and that she couldn't get a leave for today. I learned that she was my foster mother's friend who was named Mi-chan. Mi-chan told me about my foster siblings who were in school right now and that I will be very happy to see them. Now this time, I tested on my japanese language skills. I confidently asked Mi-chan in Japanese about my foster siblings' profile. I proudly say that she was amazed and thought how wonderful it was for me to be able to speak a little bit of japanese. :D


The Tokyo Group ! :)

Moving on, we walked to Shibuya Station. The participants finally went out separately, following their foster mothers. I followed 3 of my friends from the group, along with Mi-Chan and their foster mothers. It was my first time riding on the densha (japanese train) ! Before getting down to Saitamaken (where my hometown is), my 2 other friends got off to some other city/town with their foster mothers. Down at Saitamaken, Mi-Chan, Lydia (one of my friends from the group), Lydia's foster mum and I walked together with our luggage bags to Lydia's foster family's house. The walk wasn't that far but the weather was cold to the max!

When we reached the house, the first thing that I saw was a black inu (doggie) in front of the compound. It looked kind of fierce but since it had his house pinned up with woods, I wasn't that scared to come up to their house. Right at the door, stood Haruka-chan and Sayaka-chan (Lydia's foster twin sisters) who were aged 9. They were utterly cute and they treated Lydia and I both well. I had a cup of Ocha (red tea) which was definitely right for the body with the warm heater switched on in the house.


Meet Haruka-chan & Sayaka-chan, the two cute twins that I first made friends with. ♥


So, while waiting for my foster mom to come and pick me up, I played with Lydia, Haruka and Sayaka. The twins taught us a lot of games which I find really amusing because back in Malaysia, I don't think I did ever play it before. We all laughed our butts off when I tried communicating really fast in Japanese but failed to. The twins both had on the "i don't know look"! HAHA. So in the end we all sticked to talking in Japanese really slowly and understandable. Even sign languages were inserted in too! :D

At 5.30 pm (by this time, it was already dark!), my foster mother and Kaito-chan (my foster brother) finally came to fetch me from the twins' house. Like how we were taught back in the day, I hugged my foster mum and brother madly. My foster mum even said to me "anak saya!" while hugging me. HAHAHA, it was the first time I heard my foster mum talked in Malay. I followed her and Kaito back home in their white Estima. Kaito was being all shy but as soon as okaa-san (mother in Japanese) started driving, he put on a blanket on my lap and I couldn't help but go "AWWWWWWW, Arigatou-ne Kaito-chan" ♥ :D

The first thing that I was touched right after I enter my new lovely home was this :-



HAHAHA, the T is missing but whatever, :') I still love it! Not only that but, Kaito and Aya gave me a surprise gift too! :-



They both made it with love, AWWW :). And not to mention, both their hobbies are drawing!



Kaito-chan, Me & Ayaka-chan playing cards together under the warm kotetsu. ♥


Ate dinner at 6.00 PM (pretty early compared to my daily dinner time!). After that, Aya-chan (my foster sister) came home and we (Aya, Kaito & I) decided to play cards, basketball, watch television under the kotetsu (warm heated blanket) and many more. I had my first japanese hot spring bath (jacuzzi) in the bathroom which was prepared by okaa-san. It was all that I needed to warm up my body again, haha! Anyway, otou-san came back quite late. About 8 P.M, I think. And the first words that came out of his mouth right after he saw me was, "Come to Papa, my daughter!". HAHAHAHAHA I tried so hard not to laugh but in the end everybody else ended up laughing with me. I had a little chit-chat with the family and when the clock struck 10.10 P.M, the rents' told me that it was bedtime already and I should have a good sleep. Okaa-san put me in bed at my room. While tugging the comforter, she said to me "Selamat Malam , anak perempuan saya!":D. It was sooo cute when she said it with her rosy cheeks exposed while grinning! So then, I replied back to her "Selamat malam ibuku", with a big and warm smile. :) That night, I went to sleep while thinking about the upcoming journey that I was about to experience next.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Here's a funny epic moment (well, at least to me :P) :-

After dinner, I had a really bad stomach ache and I thought of excusing myself to go to the toilet but unfortunately, that little visit had to be put on hold because okaa-san brought out desert. And it wasn't just any desert. Oh yes, it was a milky-sort-of-creme-brulee desert which I had to forcefully stuffed it in my stomach. The desert was extremely delicious but my stomach was making a really big fit so what I did was, I finished up my desert quickly (i actually stuffed in a BIG SPOONFUL of it into my stomach. I wonder if Aya & Kaito actually saw me doing it because to be honest, it was unladylike! D:) and finally, finally I stood up from the chair and confessed "I need to go to the bathroom please!!!". As okaa-san was busy washing the dishes, she asked both kaito and aya to show me the way to the bathroom. I quickly mouthed to them the word "toiree toiree!" - which means toilet in Japanese. And we quickly walked (or probably ran :P) to the toilet together and these two lovely foster siblings of mine even bowed to me while gesturing their hands towards the toilet right before I rushed in. It was really polite of them and I couldn't help but mouthed "Arigatou-ne !" again and again while chuckling even though the stomach was being such a pain. Anyhow, those nasi kandar from the airport really did me well, huh. HAHAHAHA. No wonder my stomach couldn't stand it. :P

~to be continued~

3 days in a post should be enough, am I right? :)

p/s: I know I should have posted this up a long time ago and not 3 years after the whole experience but here I am, reminiscing a past experience that I hoped I can experience once again.

yours truly,
helinna

Salam Maal Hijrah 1432

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

QuranHadis : Ya Allah, jadikan awal tahun ini kebaikan, pertengahannya kegembiraan & akhirnya kejayaan bagi kehidupan dunia & akhirat kami. Amin #1432H

Awal Muharam, detik permulaan yang baru. Marilah kita bersama-sama menanamkan azam yang baru dalam diri masing-masing untuk menegakkan syiar Islam.
Amin Ya Rabbil Alamin.

"It's a beginning of a new chapter"

Cinta Nostalgia

Cinta nostalgia adalah cinta yang suatu ketika pernah dirasai, disentuhi dan seterusnya, diingati bersama orang yang dicintai sewaktu bersama dahulu. Orang yang dikatakan itu bagaikan telah mewarnai kehidupan kita yang selama ini hanyalah dilakar tanpa sebarang keceriaan mahupun kebahagiaan. Gambar kehidupan yang sedia ada itu seperti tidak lengkap kerana kita berasa bahawa kehidupan harian kita tidak ada sebarang perubahan yang ketara untuk membuatkan hati kita gembira, air muka kita sedih mahupun membuatkan kita merasai apa-apa perasaan kerana kehidupan kita hanyalah seperti apa yang selalu dilalui sepanjang bernafas di bumi yang dicipta oleh Ilahi. Perasaan tidak ingin hidup juga kadang-kala bermain di fikiran dengan hasutan syaitan yang selalu tidak mengalah untuk menyesatkan orang-orang yang beriman. Orang yang ditemui atau lebih jelas dikatakan, jodoh dapat mengubah diri kita dalam saat-saat kita amat memerlukannya. Kehadirannya juga dapat membuatkan hati kita melompat keriangan kerana kita mengetahui bahawa dalam dunia ini, ada juga seseorang yang mencintai kita dengan berbeza daripada cinta Tuhan, ibu-bapa mahupun keluarga. Diri ini berasa seperti dihargai dan dikasihi sepenuhnya dengan cinta yang diberi olehnya.

Segala suka dan duka dikongsi bersama dalam apa jua keadaan. Segala apa yang ingin disampaikan terasa seperti mempunyai jawapan. Apabila hati resah dilempari rintangan, si dia dapat membuatkan kita berasa seperti dunia ini belum berakhir. Dalam segelintir masa, emosi dapat berubah. Tatkala sakit di hati juga ada terasa. Perasaan cemburu apabila melihat suatu gambaran mengubah persepsi kita dalam mempercayai orang yang dicintai. Tetapi dengan kata-katanya yang manis, hati dimenangi juga dengan cepat dan kita pun kembalilah ke pangkuannya.

Walau bagaimanapun, cinta yang suatu ketika dahulu pernah dirasai mungkinlah bukan cinta kita yang dijodohi Allah S.W.T. Di hari-hari yang akan datang, kita akan menemui jua jejaka yang akan menerima kita sebagai isteri dalam tangannya. Cinta yang dahulu dirasai boleh menghantui kita dalam jangka masa kita ingin mengubatinya. Mainan fikiran yang sengaja membuatkan diri ini berasa hilang boleh membuatkan kita mengingati semula cinta nostalgia itu iaitu cinta yang
suatu dahulu pernah berlaku, tetapi tidak lagi.

Dengan itu, kita seharusnya kuat menghadapi kepedihan cinta ini kerana sewaktu kita merasainya, kita kuat berpegang padanya. Adalah masa buat kita untuk meluru ke hadapan dan mencari yang lain tetapi kali ini, langkah pertama yang harus kita bertindak ialah untuk berjaga-jaga dan tidaklah terburu-buru dalam memberikan seseorang itu cinta kita yang sebenarnya sangatlah istimewa kerana ia merupakan anugerah Allah S.W.T dalam kita memberikannya kepada jodoh kita yang ditetapkan sejak azali lagi.

Manusia senang sahaja jatuh hati kepada mana-mana insan yang lain tetapi setelah hati dipatahkan, jalan kembali adalah sukar dan kita merasai bahawa kepercayaan kepada seseorang telah lenyap begitu sahaja. Namun begitu, pengajaran yang kita dapati daripada cinta yang pertama dapat memberi kita lebih pengetahuan dalam fasal-fasal cinta ini. Kita menjadi lebih berpengetahuan dan dalam hari-hari yang akan datang, kita akan faham erti cinta yang sebenarnya. Ingatlah, cinta bukan sekadar ungkapan.

Gossip Girl Fever

I have been cooped up all morning in bed watching Gossip Girl. Now how awesome is that? :D

The thing that sucks right now is that, I just had to stop on episode 12 because I found out dear sis didn't download the whole episode of season 3. Bummer.

Oh My God, I don't know why but Chuck Bass is just so yummy. Yummy for Blair Waldorf, that is. They are meant to be together, I swear! It's more than just Romeo and Juliet, okay? Actually, I reckon they're even better than any other love couples out there whether it's from the tale of classics to Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt. :P

And I have a new crush for Nate Archibald. Damn it, his piercing blue eyes just can't seem to stop sparkle each time he's in love. I don't know about his love life but Serena is just definitely not it. She's not the girl for dear ol' Nate. Dan Humphrey is for you, Serena. But just imagine, having a boyfriend who is your stepbrother doesn't beat out the extremely gargantuan, bold word of incest. Now people must be thinking , 'but they're not exactly siblings by blood' but, they seem like one now with Rufus and Lily together as an official marriage couple. Don't you think so?

So, Nate should just .. well I don't really know but sometimes I wished he and Blair would be together someday. But somehow, that doesn't seem to work out because Chuck is the perfect guy for Blair. So I guess Nate should just stick with lil' J. That would be thrilling because as far as I remember, the first kiss that they shared together was smoking h-o-t ! Ahh, Nate Archibald is such a good kisser! *drools

About what I conclude earlier back in the previous paragraph, maybe Dan should just stick to being with Vanessa? I don't really know because I'm still on episode 13 of season 3 and maybe there are some gossips that I haven't quite know yet. Maybe Vanessa might turn out the bad girl or Dan finally lets Olivia back into his life? I don't know. It's all so complicated with the director turning here and there in the direction of the storyline. It's getting really confusing. But Chuck and Blair must stay the same, okay Mr. Director? :)

Before I start blabbing over and over -- OH WAIT ! There's another character who appeared at the beginning of season 3 and I can't help but to notice because he is one cute tanned guy ! He is Scott, Lily & Rufus's real son. I hope he appears more in the upcoming season ! Teehee. :D

Basically, I just can't wait to find out the ending of the story. I heard there's one more season coming up-- Season 5? So yeah, will be waiting for that. But before that, I'm gonna have to take care of season 3 first and then 4. :)


p/s : there's this episode where all the girl characters wore a barrette & I can't help but crave for a red or purple one.

p/p/s : I just read the spoilers for the last episode of season 3. I am shocked! Blair and Chuck. :( Ugh, little J should just get out of the picture. -.-

your truly,
helinna

Always In My Mind

HOLIDAYS are here and I should start doing something beneficial.

until then, this blog will be under construction (:
i'm setting a goal of becoming a brilliant writer.
but to achieve that, i must go study up my language and widen my horizon around this beautiful world.
i shall seek knowledge, find new acquaintances & see the beauty of nature.
while doing all that, i will construct in my music skills.
i never really knew life was about seeking answers and exploring.
i thought we live, work, retire & grow old until we die just like any other humans 100000 years ago.
Honestly, i was wrong.
it was more than that.
it was all about getting to know your creator.
making a good change to this world, is another thing.
life is all about having perspectives.
gaining, seeking and exploring are all the things that may lead you to becoming another person.
when i travel, i feel that complete satisfaction especially when you get to see a whole of that place with people surrounding you.
i believe that life is great no matter how painful sometimes the obstacles & hurdles you have to endure.
all you have to do is go on with the flow with a big heart,
to achieve what you want in your life.
so start asking yourselves,
what do you really want?
that way, you can walk a mile in your own shoes before other people get a chance to.
you may never know whether they want to learn you or deliberately step on you.
love yourself before loving others.
you will learn to become mature & have a completely unscathed life.
pray all the time to Allah the Almighty so that you will never get lost in the near ends.

Selamat Hari Raya , Maaf Zahir dan Batin :)

Greetings!

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin! It's the second day of raya and I'm beat out. I am having a massive stomachache that I can hardly stand most of the time in the day. Especially not when I'm at other people's house, trying to communicate or at other times, I'm probably just tuning in any conversations that my sensitive ears might detect. What's sad is that, Ramadhan has just ended in a blink of an eye. Mom told me we shouldn't be TOO happy about Aidilfitri. The holy month of Ramadhan was a month where all Muslims should have fought the urge to do anything nonsense or things that is not necessary at all. I was seriously devastated that I couldn't really spend my time wisely during that time. I wanted to finish the Quran within the month's time but my planning didn't go too well. Well, I guess I shouldn't even stop reading the holy Quran nonetheless because I am really looking forward to Katam again. As for Terawih Prayers, Alhamdulillah I did manage to go for quite a time. I am grateful that there is a mosque located nearby the house. Alhamdulillah.

So, first day of Raya went out perfectly well. I ate a lot and syukur Alhamdulillah, my tummy was content with food. We went to Moyang Limah's, Nek Cho's, Atuk Lee's and Atuk Hood's house. The whole day we were out and about, off and ready to meet the respective relatives. I didn't find myself communicating that much yesterday and it felt really silent. Sigh, I hope I can overcome this problem or better yet, find something interesting to talk about with the cousins. On another note, I met this German + Iranian guy who was Aunty Ju's foster son. He joined AFS & he is 16! I definitely would want to learn more about his culture. It would be very interesting to do so.

The second of Raya a.k.a today, we went to Atuk Suhaimi's open house. I met Alina there and it was fun! Nadiah came an hour later. Still enjoyed it eventhough my tummy was giving me a hard time. Seriously, ugh. Then, I went to Alya's house for her open house. It was okay, we talked and talked and suddenly Aiman came. It was surprising, really. I didn't expect him to turn up really early! Anyway, he was friendly. And funny too. Lol! We talked about stuff , random stuff came up too. It wasn't that awkward, thank god! So, yes. :)

Right now I should be anticipating Ayah Chik and the family! Bye. :)

your truly,
helinna

Camp Rock 2 - The Final Jam

Nate singing 'Introducing Me' to Dana :)

Shane and Mitchie look different, don't you think?

Most of you might be aware that I am a HUGE camp rock fan. Thanks to my neighbour eli, I watched the whole movie on the internet. She gave me a link where I could watch it. What was upsetting, I watched it at a really bad timing (tuition was starting in another half an hours time). I had to stopped mid-way to promptly go to tuition. It sucked because my favourite part (A Nate and Dana scene) was played right after I had to pause it. Nonetheless, I came back home with full of determination to watch the whole thing until the end. Unfortunately for me, the internet was not being nice at all. I got a tad bit mad with it. Ugh. It stopped loading right after Nate sang 'Introducing Me' to Dana. Suck balls, I might have to point out. In the midst of waiting, I talked to Elizabeth on Twitter. It was delightful having to share thoughts about your interest with an understanding friend who loves what you like too. I rambled on and on about how cute Nate and Dana were with her. It seriously boost up my level of likeness towards the Jonas Brothers. Ever since Demi dated Joe, my feelings towards Joe sort of perished. Maybe it was because I was too heartbroken to even start back again. Anyhow, I still love them. All of them. Not just Joe, for the record. Everyone did a good job in Camp Rock 2! Especially Chloe Bridges who played Dana. She and Nate had a sort of complicated love bonding. Nate was shy while Dana wanted to learn more about him. It was completely upsetting for Nate because he couldn't tell his personal details to a random girl whom he just met. It was.. too hard. As a solution to that, Jason gave him the idea of singing a song to Dana. He thought the idea was a brilliant one and started composing. The part where he sang 'Introducing Me' to Dana sort of took my breath away. Haha! He looked so frigging cute whilst Dana seemed very touched. I think that was one of my favourite part.


As for the main couple Shane and Mitchie, there was a slight change in their appearance. Not that it was a bad thing or anything but, I find that they've grown so matured. Nonetheless, it did not really interrupt the moments they had together. In front of my eyes, I still do see them as Shane and Mitchie. This love couple on screen still is my favourite couple ever since camp rock was born. The storyline might have diverted a bit where Mitchie became a leader and thus, does not really spend time with Shane that much. Consequently, Shane was a bit pissed at her. But since this is a disney movie, all were good after a few heart felt moment. I am serious, Shane is just such a sweetheart in the movie. If I would to have a boyfriend like Shane, I would be the most happiest girl on Earth. But at last, that does not come easily. Haha! What I like most about Shane and Mitchie are, whenever they start to sing together, their collaborations are awesome! My favourite songs by them in the movie would be 'Wouldn't Change A Thing', 'You're My Favourite Song' and some other songs which.. I forgot the title. Besides that, I think Joe looked really hot in the movie. I still prefer his looks in the first one though but this..this is a change. And sheepishly, I am still in love. Haha! As for Demi, I just love all her outfits. Mostly she wore dresses during the summer camp. A cardigan and a dress were her signature outfit in the movie.

Other than that, I love the dance moves! Camp Star reminded me of Glee for a tiny winy second. Moreover, the opponent team had a remarkably grand stage that can make a person awed by it. I love their songs too, to be honest. All in all, I love this camp rock 2. I do love the first one too because that was when I actually know the Jonas Brothers. Haha! Will watch it again and again because it was definitely one enjoyable movie!

Oh and I think Camp Rock 2 has more singing + DANCING scenes. Camp Rock 1 had a steady plot but this, this was a brand new start for them to come back to camp after a year.

yours truly,
helinna

English Literature - This is A Goodbye Post.

Bye, English Literature. I don't think I'll be able to cope up with you anymore. It has been a great journey following up with your knowledge. I don't loathe you, neither do I regretted learning you. The past eight months have been such a joyful road. I wish I could stay but I'm guessing I just have to catch up on other subjects. You weren't my first priority from the beginning but you were one of my favourites though the class did me no good. Most of the time I find myself not being able to write at all during class. It doesn't matter anymore. Whats past has past. I shall move on. I'll be sending kisses and hugs to you and to my role 'Miss Chee'. Someone else deserves it better. I really think so. Goodbye.

yours truly,
helinna

But this doesn't mean I won't do my own analysis on short stories and poems. I have a big heart to it. It is my hobby. :)

EXAMS - :S

Hi diary ;),

I am supposed to be doing productive stuff today. Unfortunately, that plan did not happen. I was stuck on facebook and twitter letting time pass by like that. Sometimes I find it rather a waste of time checking all of this because seriously, it is only a social network that connects you and your friends. Its not some kind of an educational business or anything. As much as I sound like a nerd, I strictly agree to what I had just stated back there.

Anyhow, I've got to start studying already. Finals might be a month away but OPEN YOUR EYES, there's not much time left before you've got to face the war on the day of the battlefield. I'm pretty much lacking behind in certain subjects and parts. I supposed the lack of reading makes me this way. Or more likely, the lack of paying attention in class. UGH. Especially when it comes to physics, I find myself trying not to let bubbles evaporate when they are all flying away in different directions. Other subjects are better left unsaid thank you very much.

Whats worst, I have my major Japanese Exam coming up in September. You know how Japanese exams freak me out every term because I can't even read Katakana nor Kanji without looking at my textbook. I guess I lack practice in all this. My Japanese is getting way poorer day by day and it sucks! I used to be top last time in class.

So I'm guessing that I should just stop whining and start committing myself into studies. :)

Insya-Allah, I'll do fine. All I need to do is just to study hard and smart. Amin.

yours truly,
helinna

Sleepover @ Ira's

Dear diary,

On Wednesday, I slept over at ira's house! It was awesome and I had so much of fun.

After school, I followed ira by her car to go to her piano class. During the whole journey there, I told her pretty much about everything that she needed to know. I finally had hope in myself. There was actually a best friend to hear it all out from me after all. Anyway, it had been almost a few months back since I last step foot at her studio. We played some songs on the piano just like the old days. Well, maybe not that old. Haha. Anyway, before her piano class, we run a few errands. It was hilarious when ira picked up the wrong leaves that her mom told her to buy. The cashier lady was simply laughing at her while the other salesperson gave the correct leaves. I've known that I was a sucker for all this kitchen work, so I chose not to be the leader of it.

We walked along the row of shops in our school uniform. I find it kind of weird and cool at the same time. It is not always you see students walking along together in their school uniforms at such areas. I haven't come to a conclusion whether it was pretty weird or just plain normal because I've never been a resident of that area. Moving on, we saw this vendor van who sold Soya Bean drinks. Being ira who loves Soya Bean, and so do I, she bought two big bottles. The type of Soya Bean she bought was definitely the one which gives people a taste of sparkling, rekindle feeling especially if you are walking non-stop while fasting on a hot day. It made me want to quench my thirst so badly!

After ira's piano class was over, we dropped off for a while to her cousin's place. Greeted her for a while and then, we went back to her house.

We went online, had our bath, etc. etc.

Saba came around 6.00 o'clock. Nothing much happened. I tried to finish up my add math homework but by that time, we had to go downstairs to break our fast.

I was extremely thirsty! I kept on drinking a few glasses of Soya Bean milk and Watermelon Juice after every helping. To top it all of, my favourite juice is Watermelon Juice. :)

Unfortunately for ira, she had her gastric attack. Saba and I followed her to the pharmacy to buy her medicine. The plans to go for Terawih prayer had to be canceled due to her illness. It was kind of sad because I've never technically gone for Terawih with my friends. I only get to meet them there at the mosque. And I was just about to teach ira how to perform the Terawih Prayer.

So instead of going for Terawih, we lazed around in the moonlit night. The moon was pretty as how I recall. It was a full moon. It amazed me all the time when I look at nature. It reminds me about Allah, the creator of the Universe. :)

We finished up our homework (but unfortunately, I did not get to finish mine because my add math tuition homework was a pile of mountains). Ira and Saba watched Vampires Suck and I guess the movie did live up to its title. I only caught a slight glimpse of certain parts because I could not keep my eyes open. So, I gave it in and slept early.

All in all, I had so much of fun. The most annoying part that happened during the sleepover was when Saba's alarm call which was this rock song played throughout the entire time for three solid times! It made me want to throw the phone to a wall or something. Ugh!

Just realized how much I miss the bestfriend. :') We've not been spending too much time together because we haven't been in the same class for two years already! It's sad but knowing our friendship still remains makes me feel really happy and I hope nothing will change as it is now.

yours truly,
helinna

Best Friend

Before you know it, things will get a little better for you. :)


I find myself living in a world where my mind gets so narrow whenever I get hit by a hurricane. It's not wrong for someone to actually act recklessly at times because when your heart is having splinters, all that matters is to let the pain go away. No matter what kind of moves you make yourself do.

So on Saturday, I cleared it up with my best friend. I asked her whether I was still her best friend or not. It took me just a few minutes asking, to hear the confession that she had made. Finally, when she told me that 'Yes, I was one of her best friends in the world' , I couldn't help but feel a huge burden beyond me slowly eradicating. I learned that she still remembers me as her best friend though we're in different classes now. It makes my heart a little warmer because I thought it was no longer that way, our friendship. So right now I am just so content having my best friend around me during hardship and happy moments. :)

Being jealous about something tells you that you care so much and nothing can come between anything that you're jealous about. It shows you that if you take something for granted, this is how you are going to feel once it vanishes from your life. It is like a reminder for you to treat others just like how you want others to treat you. And I finally understood why sometimes I find myself living in a dark world. It is because I am feeling this jealousy feeling that could bring me at loss. My emotions often disturbed.

yours truly,
helinna

p/s: might be sleeping over at ira's house on friday. hope mum and dad won't mind. :)

National Library

For nearly two months of waiting to go explore the National Library, mom and dad finally brought me there. It was a total awe moment for a while because all I dreamed of were there. The chairs, the tables, the books, the shelves, the counter and everything else. Unfortunately, certain things disappoint me in some way. The place is huge but they made the place be filled with unnecessary stuff or should I say, with nothing at all. At least put books that might as well fill up the space. I still think that library in the movies are way cooler.

Nonetheless, the books I encountered were interesting! It has a wide range from history-psychology-philosophical-FICTION. I think it's time for me to widen my horizon, to explore new and educational things. When I was younger, mum used to buy me books about nature, history and one thing I will never forget is an encyclopedia book which I still have it in the cabinet. As a little girl, all I had in mind was story books. It didn't hit me at first but now as I look back again, I regretted not reading educational books to let my infant mind grow to a higher level. Anyway, I still do think that story books help to build up the mind in a way that I can think creatively. I could write stories of magical fantasies that may not be the best but I could go on and on about the fairytale world.

Mum and Dad were occupied with our Malayan histories. I am amazed with our warriors who fought for our country. Without their sacrifice and determination, we wouldn't live peacefully in our country. So, basically we started with the upper floor which was the 4th floor and came down to the 3rd, 2nd, 1st and finally to the ground floor. We had to cross to the other side of the building to rent books. Mum found it really troublesome having different buildings to rent the books. What's worst was that, the amount of books that we came up to was not as satisfying as the one we went. The one we went before was learned that it was only for reference.

In the end, dad borrowed two books and so did I. Dad borrowed books about histories. One was about our Malayan warrior and another one was about world history regarding the Jerusalem. The fiction books were too juicy so I ended up borrowing two of it. Will do a book review about them soon after I finish reading it.

And for the icing of the day, I bought my baju raya :).

yours truly,
helinna

Intro - Starting Back Again.

Dear blog, I've been missing in action for the past few months. I'm sorry for neglecting you. I've decided that I will start writing again. This time, I'll try my best to keep up with the events in my life. I would want to stare back at it one day. Thinking what a reminiscence I had. Furthermore, I've decided that I want to keep this blog private. Only I will be the one reading it because I wouldn't want the whole world to read it. Besides, I think the main reason of why I want to write back is because I miss writing. Lately I've not been having creative moments of where I hold a pen and start writing non-stop everything that revolves around me. I miss it so badly. Hope this will turn out like I anticipate it to be.

your truly,
helinna

Wondering In My Own Thoughts

I am going to start back writing in my dull blog.

But this time,
this time I will be the only one reading it.
The main reason why I decided to private this blog was because I realized that I did not want the whole world to read about my life.
I want it to be kept to myself.
A blog is like a journal.
A journal is where you write your daily stuff.
Your daily stuff should just be between you and yourself.
Any dissatisfaction or happiness that revolved around you could be shared but in my opinion, not when I write it down in my blog.
I could always tell stories of hope.
I could always nudge the people that I love while playing a prank with them at the playground.
I could do whatever it takes to make them understand in my own words.
But I find it just a bit too impossible because for now I want to keep my veil thoughts.
Until then, cheers !

hi ?

I don't do blogging no more.

I post up stuff that I think might captivate other people.

Too bad no one pays attention anymore...

RAMADHAN

RAMADHAN is coming up. We should all turn over into a new leaf, that'd be much more comforting. Let's make this the best Ramadhan ever!

I am excited. Going for terawih later :).